A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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