I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
