My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
