Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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