Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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