After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
