well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How external is "for external use only"?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
