Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize