thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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