Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
