just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
