Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
