the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
