Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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