I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
