can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
