allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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