I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
