I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
