you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize