In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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