dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
