He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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