i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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