I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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