Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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