um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
