the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
