I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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