so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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