I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
