meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
