pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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