i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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