He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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