Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
