I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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