So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
