so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
