...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
