i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
