you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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