my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
