it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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