you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
