Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
