ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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