I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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