no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize