I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
