so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
