My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize