peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
