Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
