y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize