ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
