3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize