We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
