can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
