I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
