just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
