Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
