i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
