so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
