your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
