my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
