If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
