I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
