final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
