I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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