Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
