How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
