I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
