In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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