omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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