oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
