Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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