So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
