I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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