Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
