i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
