Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
