you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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