2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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