I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I understand Curling. That high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
