well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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