Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
