I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize