Got a toothbrush?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
